wow these jeans look great
but they look familiar
everything about this is beautiful 2 me
What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with his naked ass?
If you read any 17th century diplomatic missive today, make sure it’s the Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire. Basically, the Sultan was like, “I command you to surrender to my army,” and then the Cossacks were all:
O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil’s kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with his naked ass? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we’ve no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.
You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig’s snout, mare’s ass, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won’t even be herding Christian pigs. Now we’ll conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t own a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our ass!
What a marvelous display of aggressive douchery. It’s actually even better if you read the Sultan’s letter first, because the entire set-up of this letter is to parody the Sultan’s diplomatic language in the original. Wikipedia has some more basic info on the 19th century recovery of the letter BTW, plus the painting that was inspired by the exchange.