you thought I was kidding
gotta go sexy fast
that sexy lorax is making my life
#HELP I AM#AUTHENTICALLY CHARMED???#BLAH BLAH PROBLEMATIC BLAH BLAH#THEY’RE JUST SO BAD#THAT I KIND OF LOVE THEM#SEXY DINOSAURS: KIND OF LIKE TWILIGHT
I think the thing I love about them most is that literally not a single one of them is remotely sexy. Like, okay, I’ve literally written lorax-pastiche fisting (because I love Bethy and want her to be happy), and my dash REGULARLY has pony- and puppet-themed smut (thnx Dirk), so it’s not the subject matter that’s the problem here. It’s that these are extremely silly outfits that are neither funny enough to be amusing (except in the ways that they end up being so) nor sexy enough to be hot.
Wait. Under standard heteronormative assumptions… these are costumes that are supposed to be arousing for me?
Um. Hey, listen, uh, costume designers? Look. Don’t want to harsh your mellow or anything, but… WHAT THE FUCK MAN? I clocked up hundreds of sonic the hedgehog gameplay hours without thinking “If only my girlfriend would dress up as him”. The Lorax? Seriously? I speak for the awkward erections? And what the fuck is that dinosaur?
Ernie and Bert? Sexy Ernie and Bert? I mean, really? Sexy you could do…WITHOUT THE DECAPITATED SKULLS OF THE FALLEN HEROES OF SESAME STREET. All I see is a murdered muppet being worn as a trophy skin AND THAT’S FREAKING BONER KILLER.
To the special hell reserved for people who talk in cinemas with you costume designers.
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH I WILL HEAR NOTHING AGAINST SEXY DINOSAUR IT IS BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT ON EVERY POSSIBLE LEVEL
Also I feel the decapitated heads make the costumes. They are scantily clad WARRIORS, OKAY.