Hello, Tailor

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Watching 'Thor' with my Dad, part 3

Dad:
Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
Me:
Yup.
Dad:
Why?
Me:
He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
Dad:
If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
Me:
If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
Later
Dad:
OH NO
Me:
Calm it down, dad.
Dad:
HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
Me:
*sigh* Oh, would that I could.
Dad:
Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
Me:
First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
Dad:
You're right.
Me:
Thank you.
Dad:
I'd probably have to give him two cows.
Later
Dad:
Loki just did a pole dance.
Me:
*laugh*
Dad:
He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
Me:
*laugh*
Dad:
Loki's a slut.
Later
Thor:
*pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
Dad:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Loki:
*yell* *squirm* *grunt*
Dad:
HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
Later
Loki:
I could have done it, father!
Dad:
Oh my god.
Odin:
No, Loki.
Dad:
SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
Me:
*ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
Loki:
...
Dad:
OH NO OH NO OH NO
Loki:
*lets go of the spear*
Dad:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thor:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Odin:
No.
Dad:
DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
Me:
Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
Later
Dad:
WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
Me:
...
Dad:
Assholegard!!!!
THE END

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