Thursday, June 14, 2012

Watching 'Thor' with my Dad, part 3

  • Dad: Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
  • Me: Yup.
  • Dad: Why?
  • Me: He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
  • Dad: If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
  • Me: If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
  • Later
  • Dad: OH NO
  • Me: Calm it down, dad.
  • Dad: HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
  • Me: *sigh* Oh, would that I could.
  • Dad: Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
  • Me: First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
  • Dad: You're right.
  • Me: Thank you.
  • Dad: I'd probably have to give him two cows.
  • Later
  • Dad: Loki just did a pole dance.
  • Me: *laugh*
  • Dad: He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
  • Me: *laugh*
  • Dad: Loki's a slut.
  • Later
  • Thor: *pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
  • Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • Loki: *yell* *squirm* *grunt*
  • Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
  • Later
  • Loki: I could have done it, father!
  • Dad: Oh my god.
  • Odin: No, Loki.
  • Dad: SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
  • Me: *ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
  • Loki: ...
  • Dad: OH NO OH NO OH NO
  • Loki: *lets go of the spear*
  • Dad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • Thor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • Odin: No.
  • Dad: DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
  • Me: Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
  • Later
  • Dad: WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
  • Me: ...
  • Dad: Assholegard!!!!
  • THE END

Notes

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